DICK AND BETTY EIS

In reflecting on our lives, we have a choice of whether to remember all the good things that have happened, or all the negatives, because every life has both. That was Betty's observation in anticipation of writing the Eis' life story. It is guaranteed that time spent with Dick and Betty will include a rich mixture of laughter and the best interpretation of events.

Rev. Richard Eis was pastor of the Osceola United Methodist Church from 1978 to 1983. His ministry here is remembered for his outstanding children's sermons, often inspired by something he had seen on his way to church that morning, and often about little animals which invariably were named "Freddie", after Betty’s brother.  They joked about Betty always being cold and Dick always too warm.  Dick impressed the Administrative Board by refusing a raise in salary in order to help meet budget needs.  Those who attended the weekly prayer breakfasts at a restaurant on the square recall the mixture of concerns, discussion, and good humor.

At least one member (the one editing this material) remembers that Dick served here at the time he chaired the Conference Board of Church and Society. That is the group that continues the emphasis of Methodism's founder, John Wesley, in concern for the disadvantaged. This reinforced and encouraged Dick's liberal views that often conflicted with the editor's conservative ones.  At last tally neither the liberal nor the conservative has been able to change the opinions of the other but the friendship endured the differences.

There are five children in the Eis family. During the time they lived in Osceola, Keith and Beth were employed in Des Moines. During those five years, both married-Keith married Nancy Moffitt and Beth married Jeff Sherman. Karen and Ann were in college, and Carol received her education in Clarke Community School from eighth grade through high school.

Dick was born in 1927 to Clarence and DeEtt Rockafellow Eis.  To his knowledge, Dick's mother and one grandniece were the only two people in the world who had that name. Genealogy that dates back to 1723 reveals a Rockafellow family's distant relationship to the Rockefeller family, and Dick's grandfather was a third cousin to John D.  Dick observed that somewhere between there and here the money disappeared.

The family lived in the Muscatine area, where Clarence had a small farm, which he inherited in 1947.  There were three children-Dick, the oldest, and two sisters, Alice and Beverly, three and six years younger respectively.  Alice, now Alice Parks lives in Mt. Pleasant, and Beverly Eis Sage lives on a farm near Waterloo.

Dick attended a one-room country school, which has been moved to the Wildcat Den State Park in Muscatine County.  When he had completed eight grades, he attended and graduated from Muscatine High School.  During his school years he was very active in 4-H.  He was the county president at the same time that his sister was county president of the girls’ 4-H clubs.  Dick was also deeply involved in FFA (Future Farmers of America) and was named a State Farmer.  This is an achievement award given by the state and Dick was the only one in his high school class to win it that year. Somewhere along the way, Dick lost the pin he had been given, but an agriculture teacher in New Virginia learned about it and presented Dick with a replacement.

The other main activity during Dick's high school years was dramatics.  That gave him the ability to think on his feet, "a good preparation for preaching." One particular incident was when he was in the pulpit one Sunday morning, looked out into the congregation, and saw a lady from a former appointment.  She was to be the subject of an illustration he planned to use.  So while he was continuing to lead the congregation in worship, his mind was questioning: Do I use that illustration or not? He had about two seconds to decide, but because he had become accustomed to ad-libbing in high school dramatics, he was able to decide to include the illustration.  There were no repercussions.

Drama gave Dick another advantage.  He was in the 1945 graduating class, which meant that it was near the end of the war. This produced some tensions that were unique to that time. The government imposed rationing and restrictions of certain items. Dick was among the "Plow­jocks" that, because of his farm background, could get gas and tires, while the "City Slickers" could not. This made for a division and some resentment, but because he was also in dramatics, he had friends in both camps.  This proved to be the case throughout his ministry, for differences in opinions often divided congregations, and he had gained the ability to see and befriend both sides.

The family attended Sweetland Methodist Church, where he participated in Sunday School and worship.  Later he was active in MYF (Methodist Youth Fellowship).  For a short time the Sweetland Methodist Church had a choir, which Dick attended even though the director observed, "We have a monotone in this group, and if we had time we would find out who it is." Dick already knew who that person was but continued nevertheless.

After graduation Dick stayed home to help on the farm for two years before attending college.  A boost in the direction toward ministry came from attending an ecumenical youth camp-in fact; it probably was the most influential factor in his choice of career.  He continued his education at Iowa State University but switched from Dairy Husbandry to Agricultural Economics and Rural Sociology.  He was very active in Wesley Foundation, a Methodist student organization, during his two years in ISU.

Dick transferred to Baker University, a Methodist School in Baldwin City, Kansas.  At one time it was listed as one of the top 50 small colleges. He left after one year because of a conflict of ideas with one of the professors. Dick had taken a course on marriage and family under one of the leading professors in that field at ISU.  What that professor said about conflict in marriage being natural and healthy strengthened Dick’s philosophy, but the Baker sociology teacher did not agree.  Looking ahead to the oral comprehensive exam that students were required to pass in order to graduate, Dick realized that the above-mentioned teacher, his primary professor, would be on the team that would give the exam.  Dick knew that question might be asked and that he would not compromise his position in order to get his degree, so he changed schools.  It helped that a district superintendent arranged a scholarship at Iowa Wesleyan College in Mt. Pleasant.  Dick transferred and graduated from there in 1951.

At that time Iowa was divided into two conferences, north and south.  Dick graduated on Monday morning and attended the South Iowa Annual Conference at Ottumwa the same week. On Thursday during that Conference, he was received into probationary membership.  From there he went to South Dakota, and was married on Sunday.  It was a momentous week!

Dick and Betty had met in 1947.  Betty was in college in Yankton, South Dakota.  They both attended a SVM (Student Volunteer Movement) meeting at Kansas State University in Lawrence, Kansas.  This was a quadrennial event, that year attended by 1800 college students, who were planning to go into Christian careers.  Dick chose a workshop dealing with the rural church.  He confided to one of the fellows from ISU that one of his hopes for that workshop was that he would find a nice blond girl who would have interests similar to his own.

In Dick's words, "In her usual pattern, Betty came in late and sat down beside me.  I had every chance to run.  Even then she had her coat on and kept it on all the time." Betty interjected that it was a green coat with a fur-trimmed collar and looked real nice with her blond hair.  "The problem was that when Dick returned he didn't know whether to write to me or to the girl he met on the train on the way home.  In other words, it wasn’t really love at first sight."

But Dick chose to write her and beginning then, through lots of pony-express letters, hitch-hiking, and invitations in 1948 and 1949 to the ISU VEISHEA event, their relationship flourished.

They well remember what happened in July 1950.  Betty's parents lived near Sioux Falls, South Dakota, and Dick and Betty announced their engagement by mail.  The parents jumped into their car and drove pell mell to Yankton, where Betty and Dick were in summer school. With Betty in the front seat between her parents, Dick in the back, they went to Inspiration Point and parked the car.  Betty’s mother detailed her objections.  She had several but one of the main ones was that she didn't think she could handle their 25th anniversary in February, Betty and Dick's wedding in June, and Betty's grandparents' 50th anniversary in July.

Both mother and daughter made pronouncements.  Betty's mother said that they weren't going to leave until Betty agreed with them. Betty replied that it was going to be a long wait. When they realized that Betty was not going to change her mind, the parents asked that she complete her Master's degree. Later, when Betty’s father had an opportunity to be alone with her, he said, "You have to be patient with your mom.  Dick seems like a nice young man." In the next few months, Betty’s mother tried to get her to break the engagement and forget Dick.  In February, 1951, the engagement was formally announced, and Dick and Betty were married June 10, 1951. Betty's parents paid her tuition for the four quarters she needed to finish and further helped Dick and Betty with a loan to buy their first car two years later.

In the fall of 1951, Dick and Betty entered seminary at Garrett Biblical Institute (now Garrett Evangelical Theological Seminary) in Evanston, Illinois. Betty's courses were at Garrett and Northwestern University, as she worked toward her Master's degree in Christian Education. Betty graduated in 1953, but began working in an office in Chicago's Loop in the fall of 1952, while getting her "P.H.T. (Putting Hubby Through) degree."

Dick was in a three-year program, from which he graduated in 1954.  He had been appointed to the Bonaparte/Bentonsport charge in June 1953.  In order to fulfill his two commitments, he commuted the 300 miles to serve those churches on weekends, returning for classes from Tuesday through Friday morning.  Every Sunday Dick spoke in the Bonaparte church and every other Sunday also at Bentonsport, but after awhile he decided that since it would require no additional preparation, he would go every Sunday to both churches.

In 1953, Dick and Betty were delighted that Dick was officially appointed to the Bonaparte /Bentonsport charge.  Originally they were told they would be there for one year but at the close of the year they asked to stay on and remained for 3 ½ years. During that time Keith was born and the Bonaparte church added a basement.  In those days new graduates started in smaller churches and worked their way up.  In 1954, the minimum salary in the Iowa Conference was $3,000.  The two churches paid $2,800 with the conference paying the remaining $200 to meet the minimum.

The custom is that appointments are made in June.  The only time that was not the case for Dick and Betty was when they were moved in November 1957, to the New Virginia parish. The charge included New Virginia, Medford, Medora, and Liberty.  In 1960, Pleasant Hill was added to the four, thus increasing his responsibility for five churches.  Dick was assisted by a college student and had secretarial help.

Between 1957 and 1961, Beth, Karen, and Ann were born.  Betty very much appreciated that they were close enough to Des Moines that she had access to obstetricians and pediatricians.

Even though Dick had no desire to gain a reputation for building, and in fact never was given an appointment that led to building a church, as had been the case in the former appointment, under his pastorate the Medora congregation added a basement to their structure. Camping was a big conference emphasis during those years and all pastors were required to serve on the staff of a camp, as directors or counselors.  In this way Dick became involved in camping, which became a family recreation years later.

In 1961, Dick was appointed to Milton, Cantril, and Mt. Sterling.  This was a realignment of churches in the county and these three combined for first time. That carried with it some baggage that had to be overcome, but it went relatively smoothly. There was, however, another innovation.  In past cases of realignment, ministers were paid according to their former salary, but at this time the requirement was that each church continue the amount they had been paying. This resulted in Dick receiving a substantial raise.  He took precaution not to mention this to his friends in the same profession because there could have been resentment. A new parsonage was built during that appointment, but the Eis family lived in it for just one year.

In 1964, an opportunity came along to buy 28 acres of land in the Bonaparte area.  It was being sold at auction, and Dick and Betty made the investment. They wanted their kids to have a permanent place; somewhere they could feel they had roots.

In 1965, Dick served an E.U.B. (Evangelical United Brethren) church in Cranston and a Methodist church at Letts.  This was leading up to the time of the merger that came about in 1968, between Methodists and E.U.B.s.  Methodist churches were already a union of the Methodist Episcopal Church, the Methodist Church South, and Methodist Protestant churches. The Evangelical Church had merged with the United Brethren.  From that time the denomination has correctly been known as the United Methodist Church.  Because Dick was serving an E.U.B. church, he attended many of their district and conference meetings and became acquainted with their pastors.  That made the transition easier for him and the congregations he served than was true in some cases.

Carol was born in 1965, about five weeks after the family moved to Letts.  During the next five years, plans were made and money raised for a new parsonage, which was built the summer they left that appointment.  In 1970, the family was moved to rural Hubbard, while Dick served St. John's Church in Radcliffe, along with Ellsworth, and Evergreen.  They were in that appointment at the time of their 25th wedding anniversary, and the Radcliffe charge had a big celebration.  It was also in that appointment that Dick successfully merged two congregations, a United Methodist and an E.U.B.  It was there that he instituted his Christmas in July sermons.  A year after he preached the first of those, the organist asked if he planned to do it again.  If so, she would plan the music accordingly.  Thus the tradition began.  The family was there for eight years, the longest pastorate in Dick's career.

This opportunity to live in open country delighted Dick and Betty, for they could raise the oldest kids through high school in that setting. They were able to give the children some learning experiences that probably would not have been possible in a zoned community.  They bought a used rabbit hutch and, along with the care of dogs and cats, the children learned to raise bunnies. There came a time when it seemed wise to reduce the number of rabbits. Consumption seemed an advantageous way to accomplish that and in order to ease the process, Betty purchased a rabbit elsewhere and served it to the family.  The children eyed it suspiciously and asked what it was.  Dick and Betty stalled, simply saying, "Eat it.  It is good.  You'll like it." However, persuading them was a lost cause, and Carol actually dashed out to the hutch to count the rabbits!

Dick and Betty were well aware that there are some unique features to being p.k.s (pastor's kids).  There was another "meat experience" when one of the families of the parish gave the family some steaks. When Betty served it, one of the kids asked, "What is that?" Dick replied, "Beef steak."  They remained puzzled and cautious until finally he said, "It is solid hamburger. Now, eat it!" Another unusual situation was that none of the four kids had class rings because Dick and Betty didn't expect them to be in the same community by the time they were seniors. "Apparently they all survived without rings."

The appointment to Osceola came in 1978.  One of Dick's outstanding memories of Osceola was the necessity for putting two new roofs on the church. The first one didn't take, which Dick discovered when he went to the church during a rain storm and found water coming down everywhere!   Dick chaired the Clarke County Hospital Board, and was on a citizens' committee to deal with a crisis situation at Leisure Manor Care Center (now Osceola Nursing and Rehab Center).  They did not pass inspection and there was a strong possibility of the state closing it.  A meeting was held when it was thought that a state representative was in attendance. It turned out to be the owner. The crisis was alleviated by the state putting in a caretaker administration until they were satisfied it would be operated acceptably.

From Osceola, Dick was appointed to Emmetsburg, where they stayed for only two years.  There was nothing wrong with the people or the church, but there were other factors. For one thing, Emmetsburg was six hours from their property, which they liked to visit and inspect from time to time. Second, Dick's retirement was coming close. If they had not left at that time, Dick would have felt the need to stay until he retired, which would have been too long an appointment.

During a vacation in August 1984, Dick began not feeling well.  Thinking it was a urinary infection he took a urine sample to his doctor's appointment. The doctor came back to ask if he had used a clean bottle because there was considerable sugar content. He was diagnosed with diabetes and sent home to see his doctor in Emmetsburg. He changed eating habits (Betty's chuckle inferred that perhaps not drastically) and lost "a bunch of weight," but he did not have the difficulties some have had. However, Betty noted that a side-effect was that he apparently lost the ability to hold a razor. From that time forward he has had a beard.

A more recent complication was that he developed diabetic neuropathy. He lost his appetite, and "they put a new wing on the hospital at Iowa City finding out what was wrong." They did an MRI, blood tests, a bone scan- "anything involving punching a needle in."  That was five years ago, and Dick is doing well except for his feet and eyes. "What is wrong is that now that I am fat again, everybody tells me how good I look." But he claims to be falling apart. "Last night the tooth fairy came, and I gained a quarter for losing part of a tooth." Betty explained that it wasn't worth $1 because he lost only part of one.

Dick retired at the end of June 1990. At that time he was at Maquoketa, where he went in 1985. He was part of a group ministry with other United Methodist Churches. An outstanding recollection is of an interdenominational lectionary study group that was very valuable both for intellectual and fellowship purposes. Within that group, Dick joked with the priest that his church was up on the hill, while the Roman Catholic Church was down in the valley.

The congregation held a retirement party for Dick following the final Sunday morning worship service. It meant a great deal to Dick and Betty that former members came as far as 300 miles to be with them that Sunday. There was a program and presentation of a scrapbook of letters from various people, a wonderful recliner for Dick, a platform rocker for Betty, and the children gave them a generous retirement gift.

Throughout his ministry, Dick served on the Credit Union Board for 24 years and became more and more involved in social action programs. He was on the Migrant Council for the State Council of Churches. While he was at Letts, there was a call to boycott the grape industry. At Christmas-time, one of the Sunday School classes gave the family a fruit basket, which, of
course, had grapes prominently displayed on the top. They instructed Betty and the children to eat those, but not share them with Dick.  One of the columnists from the Des Moines Register called wanting to make something malicious of it, but everyone in the community was having a good 'laugh.

Over the course of years Dick made several trips to Washington, D.C.  One was part of a Vietnam protest.  The group visited Arlington Cemetery but was not allowed to hold services. Dick was privileged to hear Martin Luther King, Jr. on that trip. There were other educational trips including one to New York and the United Nations.

The Sunday when Dick turned 70, all the children surprised him by joining him in the pew during a worship service. Betty was at the organ, and the girls sang a special number. Two years later, when Betty turned 70, she knew that several of them planned to come, but there were more than she expected so she, also, was surprised.                                                          ··

Since retirement Dick and Betty have lived the life style that Dick preached. Their four­ room house on the acreage was built in the 1840's. They have remodeled and still are remodeling it, doing part of the work themselves. Dick doesn1t farm the land but they have hay which they sell to a neighbor. Deer and rabbits have thwarted his gardening efforts.  His preference for
Volkswagons has not dimmed through the years. Even now there is not only one VW for each but an extra one sitting on their property.

Dick has not stopped serving churches. Since his official retirement, he has had four interim appointments, has been available for pulpit supply, and has been busy in Presbyterian churches the last two years. One is in West Point, where a layman from Farmington and Dick provide pastoral leadership alternating two Sundays each. He also supplied for the Fairfield Presbyterian congregation.  In the Bonaparte charge, Dick is leading a lectionary study. For the past few years he has played the role of Thaddeus in the Lord's Supper dramatization, which is. presented throughout southeast Iowa. This Sunday, March 4, 2001, will be the first Sunday since last fall that Dick will worship in the Bonaparte church as part of the congregation.

Betty: 

I was born in 1929 and named Irma Elizabeth, but my parents said from the first, We will always call her Betty." My parents, Howard and Irma Bement, had previously lost a baby only one month old, so my mother was very conscientious and took extra precautions with m and with my sister Edna, who was born 20 months later.

Edna and I were very close both in age and relationship.  We seemed to know one another's thoughts to the point that we could finish each other's sentences. It is possible that I dominated, and Edna became a "yes-yes" person. That may have caused Mother to try to compensate by allowing special things for Edna.  For instance, Edna joined the Home Ec division of 4"'H club and I was not permitted to do that. What I didn't learn, at home about such things as nutrition, color coordination, niceties, and etiquette, I had to learn by study and trial and error.

Edna was given piano lessons, but Big Sister got on the keyboard, too.  Edna resisted the instruction to the point of getting ill, and I continued.  Edna asked when we were in college if I would give her lessons, so we did that for awhile.

However, both Edna and I joined the agricultural division of 4-H.  That was more fun anyway because it was girls AND boys. Our project was raising Holsteins, which was natural because we were raised on a dairy farm.  We also entered garden produce and chickens at the fair.  Mom was in charge of vegetable displays and was good about taking us wherever we needed to go to participate in these activities.

You know from Dick's story that I have a brother, Fred, who was born when I was eight years old.  He is now retired and spent the major part of his career-28 years-with the Federal Land Banks in Omaha.

Our home was near Sioux Falls, South Dakota, and we attended school all 12 years in the Harrisburg Consolidated School District. They did not have kindergarten, nor did they have girls' athletics. I took part in dramatics, speech, band, chorus, and was co-editor of the school newspaper.  There were 18 in my graduating class.  Edna was a year behind me.  She went on to become an elementary teacher until her children, were born.  Edna died at age 41 of Hodgkin’s Disease, while we were at Radcliffe.

We attended the large downtown Congregational Christian Church in Sioux Falls, and I was active in the usual things-Sunday School, Vacation Bible School, and youth group. In the latter, after my sophomore year, I was asked to play the organ for their meetings.  The arrangement was that I could have free organ lessons during the summer and begin to play in the fall. You can imagine what a poor organist I was after one summer, but they accepted me.  After that I continued to take organ lessons at the church on a three-manual (three full keyboards) pipe organ.  In my senior year of high school, I gave a piano and organ recital.

I attended church camp, and was a local, state, and national officer for the Congregational youth organization, Pilgrim Fellowship.  Mom also drove so that I could attend those meetings. In April, after my sophomore year, the state director of Christian Education of the Congregational Church gave a program about high school girls teaching Bible School in rural South Dakota. When I said that I would like to do that "next summer," she said, "Why not this summer?" So I did. Another girl and I went as a team for one week of training then conducted Bible schools for a week each in three different locations.  I did that for three summers and Edna was my partner the last two.  Edna worked with the younger children and I the older.  In one place a set of parents prevailed upon Edna, asking that a child, who was younger than we usually accepted, be allowed to attend.  Poor Edna!  She couldn't interest him in anything.  All he wanted to do was crawl under the pews.  Each week concluded with a Friday night program and that didn’t come any too soon to suit her in that experience.

I was a teenager at that time with some teenage opinions.  I didn't think much of one of the women who had been director of Christian Education in our local church. I might have had a different reaction if she had tried to recruit me, but I admired the woman who challenged me to enter into the Bible School venture.  Then, because of the positive reaction of the adults, I decided that I had a call to be a Christian Education worker.

The folks gave me a choice between Sioux Falls College and the C.C. (Congregational Christian) college at Yankton.  The latter being 80 miles from home, I chose it.  I thought I could get a four-year program, majoring in religious education, but when I met with my advisor he explained that it would be better to choose a different major and go to graduate school.  Yankton didn’t offer a major in religious education and I wasn’t smart enough to realize that I could have gone somewhere else.  I think now that Morningside may have had what I wanted, but I was "green."  An illustration of just how green is that I thought it was unusual that so many of the men in responsible positions in the college had the same first name: "Dean.”  I didn't realize it. was a title until I discovered there was also a woman named Dean.

In addition to the usual classes, I was given college credit for organ lessons, for playing clarinet in band, and singing in the college choir. I finished college in three years plus one summer and graduated in 1950. During those years I was active in the Student Religious Council and in a college fellowship group that met in the local C.C. church.  Dick came into the picture about this time, and while I was in summer school my mind said, "Oops, this young man may be getting serious.”  I had a three-week turmoil thinking about that. What about my call? Would I get a call for a different career?  What about my love of the Black Hills?  What about his music ability (or lack thereof) and some of his mannerisms?

What won out was my realization that what really mattered was that our interests and goals were the same, he gave priority to the will of God, he was fun, had a good sense of humor; and a quick mind. One “what if" was that he might change careers. Would I still marry him in that case?  I decided that I would be marrying the man, not the career, so I was ready to say ''yes" when he asked me.  Actually I discovered years later, he has a wonderful singing voice when he sings the melody.

In 1950-1951, I had two quarters of schooling at the Chicago Theology Seminary, which was part of the Federated Theological School of the University of Chicago. There was a really close fellowship between students and faculty, and it was a good experience.  I went home after the spring quarter to help get ready for the wedding.  In spite of wondering how she would do it, Mother did survive the summer.  She lived to be 86.

Dick and I had settled some issues before we married.  There were some matters that needed no discussion.  Both of us had grown up in homes where there was no alcohol, so this was never even discussed.  We both wanted children, and we agreed that I would not have a career beyond that of homemaker.  That could have been influenced on my part by an incident when I was a freshman in college.  A classmate, whose parents had both been in church careers, tried to commit suicide.  I considered that a primary cause could well have been the qualify of that family's home life.  The fact is that in those days most pastors' wives were not employed outside the home, but in our case, having five children made it a particularly good decision. 

I did, however, go on with my education.  As Dick indicated in his account, after the two. quarters at Chicago Theological Seminary, I transferred to Garrett. I believe that my education helped me better understand Dick's work, gave me resources for the challenges of being a pastor's wife and a mother, and it helped in my own spiritual growth. I helped our finances by giving piano lessons.  I have led training events - some one-day and some a week long-to help prepare nursery Sunday School teachers.  I have served in part-time and volunteer activities in the local church, the district offices of the UMW (United Methodist Women), and some of the Conference boards and agencies.  As I am writing this, in the spring of 200I, I have just
completed a four-year term as a district UMW officer, and I am active in several of the projects of the Main Street organization in Bonaparte.

There were several advantages to the way my life was restructured. When my parents reached the age when they needed occasional help, my not having a job away from home left m free to go.  I have always appreciated that Dick and the children were willing to manage when I was absent.  They did fine without me although I found plenty of catching up to do when I returned.

I don’t consider that I "gave up" my planned career, but that I used my training in church and community involvement as well as in our children’s upbringing.  I was free to be involved in various ways in their youth activities- band, chorus, speech, dramatics, youth group meetings, camps and trips, Scouts, 4-H, and part-time jobs.  In high school and college, their own interests led them to make different choices.  Some went on United Nations/Washington, D.C. trips, some to work camps, some went canoe-camping in Minnesota, and two had brief trips to Europe.  I was not distracted by career demands but could help them prepare and had time to hear all about each one as they returned.

Being a p.k. is not easy.  There were pluses and minuses for them in the appointment system.  There were frequent moves, but they learned to make new friends and had friends they would never have known if we had always stayed in the same place. There is a family joke about the number of meetings Dick had to attend.  When he was due to return from a three-day event, I remarked to the kids, "Daddy will be home tonight," and one of them asked, "Has he been gone?''  But Dick and I tried to let our kids know that each of them was loved and very special. There were times when one of them tried to make a case that I had shown favoritism in this or that instance and I eventually developed this response, "We treat you all alike.  We've always done the best we knew how with the resources available to us at the time."

They seemed to survive the mistakes Dick and I made along the way, but I took heart one weekend when we were living in Emmetsburg. All five children had come home and as I reflected on that time together, I realized that they had enjoyed one another and there had not been a single disagreement! Further evidence of their congeniality was a time in recent years that they planned to vacation together in the Black Hills to give their children the experience. Dick and I were invited but chose to let them have that time to themselves.

We treasure the Christmas gatherings at the various homes.  The hostess coordinates the menu and names are drawn for gifts. They are lovely, useful, frivolous, and silly-like unmatched gloves for Dick, and caps for milk gallon jugs for Nancy so that she would have one when the original was misplaced. One year Dick and I received an empty TV box. While we were on our way to Des Moines, Keith and Carol had made a trip to our home and hooked up a new set for us.  Another time, Keith kept unwrapping t-shirts, only to discover later that it was only one shirt that was rewrapped while he opened other packages.

Even though I might have done things differently (better housekeeping, more scrubbing, fewer wisecracks just for the laugh, more time having good fun with the family) the children have matured well either because of or in spite of us. We are pleased that we were able to assist all five with undergraduate college expenses.  Beth has a Bachelor's degree in Elementary Education and Spanish.  Keith has an Associate Degree in Electronic Engineering Technology. Ann is a Certified Public Accountant; Carol’s undergraduate majors were in Computer Science and Library Science.  Karen majored in Library Science.  She and Carol furthered their education, each earning a Master's Degree in Library Science.

Our in-law kids are special also.  Nancy carried extra responsibilities when Keith earned his associate degree and then it was Keith's turn to help more at home while she completed a Master's degree. Steve has extra responsibilities during Ann’s busy tax season, and then she becomes more of a farm wife the rest of the year and works only part-time at the CPA office.

We are pleased that they are all busy with their work, active in their churches, and check in now and then on their "aged parents." Our Christmas letter for the year 2000 reported that all our children except Ann are in the Des Moines area.  Keith and Nancy have a daughter, Erica, in sixth grade; Austin in first.  Beth Sherman has two children-Carla, a high school senior, and Dan in eighth grade. Karen is a cataloguer at the Iowa Department for the Blind.  Ann married Steve Mallams and they live near Mt. Pleasant.  Their children are Julie, ninth grade, Jessica, fifth, and Jacob, second.  Carol is an accountant at 310 Credit Union.  I would like to tell about all their achievements and awards but I will leave that for them to tell when they write their own histories.

I treasure the many good times our family has had.  Most of our vacations were spent visiting the grandparents or at our acreage. On some vacations we went camping with our VW bus. We camped in the Black Hills, Colorado, Kentucky, and Minnesota. We camped in an Indian earth lodge in North Dakota.  The kids camped in a teepee at Porcupine, South Dakota, and we in our tent near them.  We also camped during annual conference near other ministers' families. The BUB church had a summer church camp which their ministers were required to attend. The camp continued after the merger with the Methodist church, and although attendance was no longer a requirement, we attended for several years.

One year for our anniversary I decided to surprise Dick by having friends come for strawberry shortcake at our home after choir practice. The kids helped me get things prepared. What they knew and I did not was that Dick planned a surprise for me that same evening.  He invited some of our neighbors and lined up refreshments of sandwiches.  Everyone had fun, we had plenty to eat, and Dick and I were both surprised.

Being in ministry has been a great blessing for our family.  I treasure our friends and many good memories of the year we shared. I am grateful to the congregations for the Christian fellowship and encouragement as together we all worked in our churches. We are grateful, too, for congregations that provided a community of "aunts, uncles, grandparents, and siblings" to our five as they were growing up. Some people complain about the appointment system in the United Methodist Church because we go wherever the pastor is appointed. I always say that we need to remember that although we give up some power of selection, we gain greatly in that there is never a single month without a paycheck.  That is a pretty good bargain.

As I look back on my life, I think of things I wish that I had known sooner:

(1) I admired Elsie Dinsmore, the heroine in a series I read as I was growing up.  Elsie always accepted the advice of her father or husband. I tried that but discovered that being a "yes, yes, dear" type wife was not who I was. Eventually I. came to trust my own judgment in many things and didn’t always ask Dick for his opinion.  I even learned to negotiate if our ideas differed.

(2) There are times when it is better to be quiet than to offer a "helpful suggestion" unless it is a matter of extreme importance.

(3) It is wise to be selective in what I say; being aware that it may be repeated by the person to whom I am speaking, on to someone else, perhaps many times with various interpretations.

(4) It is not rude to go ahead with necessary housework if a parishioner drops in unexpectedly anticipating a day-long visit.

(5) It is important to know what church members expect of a pastor's wife, but impossible to please every one.  The most important aspect in decision-making is seeking God's will and not getting "bent out of shape" over criticisms.                                                                                                                       

(6) When there are many things to be done, do the most important first.  God expects only 24 hours of service, not more than that, and some of those hours he intends for me to sleep.

Many things about money became ingrained in me as I was growing up.  I was influenced by sayings I may have read in Benjamin Franklin's Poor Richard's Almanac, Proverbs in the Bible, Shakespeare, or somewhere-"A fool and his money are soon parted," "A penny saved is a penny earned," etc. Whatever its origin, I was certain that to borrow money, going into debt, was wrong-a person should have saved enough money in advance of making any purchase. When it came time to finance car purchases or trade-ins, Dick usually had to use all his persuasive powers to get me to agree. We gardened, the girls sewed, we attended auctions, garage sales, and we budgeted.  It all helped us in managing our money.  I wish we had found some way for Dick to take additional courses at one of the seminaries as he would have liked to do. It was a matter of time and cost, and never got done.

Sources of strength for me have been scripture, prayer, listening to good sermons, the words of hymns, playing the piano or organ, biographies of Christians, local church members whose faith saw them through various situations, letters from and visits with Christian friends. These scripture verses particularly have helped me: 1 Cor. 10:13: "No testing has overtaken you that is not common to everyone.  God is faithful, and he will not let you be tested beyond your strength, but with the testing he will also provide the way out so that you may be able to endure it." And 16:14: "Let all that you do be done in love."

1 Thessalonians 5:16-18: "Rejoice always, pray without ceasing, give thanks in all circumstances; for this is the will of God in Christ Jesus for you." Philippians 4:8-13: "Finally, beloved, whatever is true, whatever is honorable, whatever is just, whatever is pure, whatever is pleasing, whatever is commendable, if there is any excellence and if there is anything worthy of praise, think about these things...  have learned how to be content with whatever I have.  I know what it is to have little, and I know what it is to have plenty...I can do all things through him who strengthens me."  And Joshua 1:9: "...Be strong and courageous; do not be frightened or dismayed, for the Lord your God is with you wherever you go."

Occasional migraine headaches troubled me for over 30 years but I had them no more after 1973, when I had a hysterectomy and gall bladder surgery. When I reached 70 some new problems appeared.  I have had TIA’s (small strokes) and have a mitral valve prolapse.  One morning at 7:00a.m. I rolled over in bed hurrying to answer the phone.  I crashed to the floor and spent six days in the hospital because of two compressed vertebrae, but the doctor assured me that I would heal and to my surprise, I learned he was right.  Basically, I consider myself to be in good health.

We have been retired for nearly 11 years and I enjoy owning our home at 22489 Rte W 40, Bonaparte, 52620-8045.  Our hot water heating system and other parts of the environment of our home have freed me from allergies that plagued me in seven of our nine parsonage homes. In our own home can do as I wish with colors.  I continue to spend my time in household chores but at a slower pace.  My mother died in 1991 and in just the last year I completed my share of the work of dealing with her finances and estate.  That took a lot of my time.  Our kids gave me a computer and I use it for letters, writing reports and minutes, genealogy research, and financial records.  The research in genealogy has me interested in reading about the political and religious conditions my ancestors experienced.  Life continues to be exciting and challenging.

 

 

Return to main page for Recipes for Living 2001 by Fern Underwood

Last Revised August 12, 2012